yuddie
Feb 2 2004, 11:29 AM
http://www.tathy.com/thanglong/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4578
Finally she decided and managed to post the first time in this forum. There were several times she joined, want to take part in talks and discussions but then she end up………forgot the password. Today as to make a change, she registered again for several forums under the same name because she is a quite absent-minded person. She used to have a ridiculous thought that if she writes, she should write something very “ marvelous “ and “ impressive” ,” grand “, whatever similar words u can think of, and then she can build an immediate identity, everybody will remember her at once. She is very childish in those kinds of things. But she happens to be a practical person at the same time and she realizes the absurdity of my intention, coz nobody can build an identity that fast or if there is, that will be something like “ easy come easy go” . So she delay her “grand“ post until today, just wanna post a normal sequel to another post in another forum. But then suddenly she felt like she has nothing to write, or more exactly she did not know how to begin, she felt like a person which she read in a book: “ At every turn in his story he imagines a variety of possibilities for the next scene, a variety of different outcomes. Telling a story is always a tantamount to killing these various ramifications, narrowing down the choice down to only one of them, and he can not bring himself to sacrifice them; he wants to bring them all into a single text. Such that his novel can not be finished and is lost in the infinity of possibilities.” …
Maybe she could start with telling some stuff about herself. She remembered the first day after she finished her last semester exam was in late Nov, 2003. She went for a movie that she longed to watch ( she was a hypocrite in some situations, actually nobody ban her from watching movies during exam revision, and skipping 2-3 hours is nothing much comparing to the time she slept and she was not a hard-working person but she decided not to watch it until the exam was over, in order to feel that at least she was responsible for her studying ), She did not go back home right after the film, she went to the PC cluster in her school and surf net, that time she could not remember why she did not go home to do that coz net at home was not bad, quite fast as well. And then she registered for several familiar forums that she often surfed to read, it took her a long time to decide for the nickname to be used. She wanted it to be sounding and special or something related to herself coz nickname is something presenting for your identity, at least we should show some care for it. The easiest way is to choose the names of some protagonists in the books or movies you like or choose some “ mysterious” names to create some myth and calling for attraction, or choose long phrases which are very descriptive like “lonely_wolf”,”forever_autumn”, blah blah but then at that time none of those options satisfied her. She kept on thinking on something fascinating until she realized it was very cold around. The guy who set the air-conditioner must have been very hot that day either physically or mentally. It was freezing and she started to shiver. She wanted to go home as soon as possible but she didn’t want to lose the “energy” and “mentality” she had put onto the registration ( you know we have to fill in information in the blank) so she needed to come up with something quick. Murmuring something to curse the coldness and shivering, she suddenly remembered she was stammering, and stammering was one of her idiosyncrasies that her friends often made fun out of. And she was stammering at that time, it was funny, even a cursing she said it wrong. But by that an idea ( which she considered very original at that time ) appeared , she could use her name in-a-stuttering- manner to create a nick, in that way she can avoid any duplication and her nick would be strange and funny. So she finished the registry and happily went home, partly because of getting rid of that air-conditioner was so great. That story could be called happy-ending if not for today she still remembered the “beautiful” and “impromptu” nick but unfortunately she could not retrieve in her mind the password so she has to create a new account. This time, she wondered if anyone can find out what the origin of her nick was, that would be interesting (for her only maybe).
Last vacation she worked a lot, often from morning till night to earn some pocket money and also to have a sense of being busy. Work is marvelous at one point that the vacation passed so fast before you realized you have one. When coming back from work, she was often tired and fell asleep fast and deep. Having tried both “physical“ work and “mental “ work, sometimes she doesn’t know which one is better. It would be great (although she is not very sure) if u don’t need to work much but still have plenty of money. But having too much leisure may have its own tradeoff she doesn’t know.
While she is writing this, at the same time she observed how people are receiving her post at another forum. The number of times people reading it in comparison with other posts is very humble, less than one hundred and no reply so far while most of others they reached a few hundreds. Yet she is happy because there is someone reading it. One of the things sometime discourages her from posting is this issue. If people do not welcome your post, that means there is something wrong about you and your post maybe, or they can not understand and sympathize with you. Sooner or later, your post will be forgotten so one way to avoid that sad case is to never post. But she also knows that if everybody behaves in this way she won’t have much to read on forum and creating forum will be a waste. Luckily there are not so many dark-side people like her around, they are willing to contribute and share. She is not always that hesitant in every case, she likes to share and talk about music she has heard, books she has read, and movies she has seen with others. But there are some people are very strange, they do not have their own taste, do not have their own preference, they simply take your recommendation for granted, sometimes their indifference made her feel uneasy. They never care to know the name of the piece of music, the artist performed it, the composer who wrote it. All they claim maybe just “ Oh, this one sounds nice, send me that one”. So she just sent, but actually in the first place she did expect some interaction, some communication or put in a big word, some feedback.
She was not a brilliant student in literature during her secondary and high school. When there is time to write, she often can not write naturally as she used to be, she ended up with some craps and cliché from the samples in the books. Sometimes her perception about the storied and poems in the syllabus was so funny and unconventional that she did not dare to put them into words, that was her kind intention, saving her teacher from any unnecessary heart -attack. Or sometimes she didn’t have any feeling or thought about the stuff while the questions required her to give some opinion on them, but she didn’t have the guts to tell her teacher that the stuff did not invoke in her anything coz it was not nice and “safe” to do so, so she had to bluff and imitate others’ ideas. She just loves to write on her own time when there is no time or grade pressure, and your writing does not necessarily to have a beginning, a body and an end. That structure in school tied her down from creativity and originality, but maybe it is good in building discipline and habit, that certain things u have to follow the pattern, the only wrongness is that it counteracts the purpose of literature when everyone should be given the right to understand, to analyze and to write/ or not to write about anything the way he/she pleases ( of course not in an offensive manner
). So now her problem is she doesn’t know how to end this post elegantly and also still a big task left is how to name it. As usual she wanna give it a catchy name that grabs everyone’s attention at the first sight, but then she could not think of such one. She remembered PF, her favorite band, often having songs that have different parts, sometimes the number of parts can reach 5 or more, maybe they also face the difficulties in naming them? Films also have their sequels, so as such to save her neuron, she put “What a difference a day made part 2” to this, with a hidden intention to promote her post.
. Pretty crazy huh? But anyway, the name of this post is the title of an old nice song (in her opinion ) and it fits her mood, you can try it out. It was a piece sung by Dinah Washington.